Setting boundaries is about more than saying no, there are other behaviors or signs that may indicate the need for better boundaries. Here are a few examples!
- Decision-making is a challenge
Blanking when you’re faced with a decision is a sign of weak boundaries. You spend so long letting others make your decisions or making decisions around others, that you can’t seem to make them on your own.
- Sharing too much too quickly or closing yourself off
This comes from a strong desire to be accepted, validated, and loved by others. (I.e. people pleasing) Often when a person overshares or doesn’t share at all, it is due to a lack of self-esteem. As stated earlier, boundaries and self-esteem go hand in hand.
- Valuing yourself based on how others treat you
Basing your worth on how others react to you in day-to-day life is detrimental to your wellbeing. This is an example of taking responsibility for the feelings of others- feelings that you have no control over.
- Lack of identity or sense of self
Having an unclear image of who you are is yet another example of how self-esteem and boundaries go together. The more you value something, the more boundaries fall in line. Knowing yourself allows you to set better boundaries.
- Inability to say no, feeling guilt and anxiety when you do
It can feel easier to just agree to everything when you worry about the negative effects saying “no” may have. But in reality, saying yes to everything leaves you feeling exhausted and out of control. Learning to say no without guilt is a powerful and helpful skill.
- Difficult or dramatic relationships
Having poor boundaries can make even the best relationships difficult. Yes, all relationships are hard work- but a healthy relationship requires the setting and respecting of boundaries.
- Caving to please others
Boundaries are made up of your likes, dislikes, and morals. If you’re often finding yourself giving in to situations you feel uncomfortable or unhappy in, this is a sign your boundaries need a checkup.
It is a terrifying and exhaustive state to live in when you base your every decision on what others want, how they will react, and how they will treat you. A lack of boundaries will leave you feeling depleted whether it’s work, home, friendships, or relationships. Eventually they may lead to feelings of resentment, burnout, hurt, and anger. If you find yourself to be irritable, passive aggressive, and anxious to the point of dreading the next day- you need to reset your boundaries.