Welcome to “That’s a Hard No” – the podcast about saying no (in all its forms) so you can become the authentic and empowered person that this world needs.
Quick disclosure: While Sarah is a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, this podcast is in no way a replacement for one-on-one therapy with a mental health professional. If you are struggling with mental health issues, we welcome you on this journey, but also invite you to seek out professional help.
Looking for a therapist? Here’s a good place to start: psychologytoday.com
- There are two basic mindsets that shape our lives:
- Fixed mindset: a belief that our basic abilities, intelligence, and talents are fixed traits and they cannot be altered.
- Growth mindset: an understanding that talents and abilities can be developed through effort, good teaching, and persistence.
- In the book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success (link to Amazon), author Carol Dwek talks about the power of beliefs, both conscious and unconscious.
- In this book, she says that changing even the simplest wording can have a profound impact on nearly every aspect of our lives.
- In her research, she studied human motivation and after years and years of research – she found that the view you have about yourself determines everything. If you believe your qualities are unchangeable (fixed mindset) you will live according to that fixed mindset. If you believe mistakes are proof that you are learning, you will embrace failure and live life according to a growth mindset.
- Depending on where you are in your life, you may not be ready to hear or embrace these concepts, yet. If you are struggling with intense mental illness, going through a major life crisis, or grieving – this might not be the time for you to listen. But for those of you that are feeling stuck and feel like you’re constantly on autopilot and want more out of life – this episode is for you.
- We’ve gotten to where we are via twists and turns and plot changes and detours and dead ends. We oftentimes feel stuck when we allow those redirections to feel permanent; when we allow a setback to be a stopping point, rather than using a growth mindset and thinking about that setback as a momentary pause – a pause to get creative, learn from it, and look at other options and opportunities.
- When Sarah works with kids, she often reminds them that there are 26 letters in the alphabet – so if plan A doesn’t work, there’s plan B, and if B doesn’t work, there is C, and if C doesn’t work, there’s still the rest of the alphabet.
- When we can start to rewire our brain into acknowledging that these setbacks are just pivots – it shifts our mindset into believing we can and we will figure it out.
- Another unhelpful thinking pattern that we fall into is leading with trepidation rather than imagination. Trepidation is a feeling of fear that something may happen. Our brains are naturally wired to look for fear. Fear is a chain reaction in the brain that starts at the onset of a stressful situation – meaning that when something stressful occurs, our first automatic thought is often negative (fear-based) and if you are not consciously and actively working on catching that thought, it will spiral. So it is essential during times of stress that we purposefully and intentionally focus our attention on the possibilities and lead with imagination rather than trepidation.
- Another one of the reasons you may be feeling stuck or having trouble pivoting is that your circle supports your comfort zone. But you need to be careful. You have to be honest with yourself and recognize whether your support system is adding to a narrative that is not serving you and your desire to grow. We aren’t by any means saying ditch all of these people, but the reality is that the people you surround yourself with, you emulate. So you may need to start creating boundaries with certain people.
- It’s important to allow yourself space and grace to feel your feelings. We don’t want to stuff them or deny them. It’s important to feel them (be mindful), but then keep perspective and then approach the situation with a growth mindset. What can you learn from this? What can you control? What can’t you control? How can you use your imagination to adjust to the situation?
- One of Sarah’s favorite authors, Tony Robbins, said there is incredible power (personal power) in challenging yourself instead of just reacting to the challenge that the world throws at you.
- 2020 is difficult for all of us. This pandemic and economic situation we’ve found ourselves in isn’t going to suddenly or magically change any time soon. We need to approach this moment with imagination and a growth mindset.
- Parking Lot Worksheet – This is the “Park It” worksheet we discussed during our conversation with Gail Palmer in episode 02. We’ll talk more about it in our next minisode (02b).
Credits and Thanks
- Special thanks to Reanna Karousis of Collective Reach and the Social Distance Happy Hour, who inspired and challenged us to start this podcast and helped us produce our first episode.
- Thanks also to our families and friends for all their encouragement and support, and to you, our listeners, for joining us on this adventure.
- That’s a Hard No is a joint production of Clever Girl Marketing and Purposeful Growth & Wellness.
- Logo design by Angela Giaco of A Pink Sunset. You can find her at apinksunset.com.
- Music: “Whiskey for Lunch” by GG Rigs. (Don’t judge us, you guys. We just like the song.)