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EpisodesSeason 2 Holidays

Hard No for the Holidays: Creating Safe Spaces for Your LGBTQ+ Loved Ones

Holiday Miniseries 1 | November 29, 2022

Creating Safe Spaces for Your LGBTQ+ Loved Ones

Kathy Houston, Run Your Life Coach, on allyship, making your home/event comfortable, coming out, and bringing around new partners during the holiday season.


Welcome to “That’s a Hard No” – the podcast about saying no and setting boundaries so you can become the authentic and empowered you that this world needs.

Looking for a therapist? Here’s a good place to start:

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This holiday miniseries is meant to open up conversations about things we may struggle with during this time of year. In our first episode we discuss being LGBTQ+, coming out, and sharing new partners with our loved ones in the upcoming holidays as well as creating a safe space for all of our family and friends within this community.

That’s the conversation you’re about to hear. It’s about being inclusive when hosting LGBTQ friends or loved ones during the holidays and how to come out or talk with families If you’re queer, I wish we didn’t have to have this kind of conversation, but here we are.

  • Holiday Prep
    • For LBGTQ+ members: The best way to support yourself as a member of the LGBTQ+ community is to prepare. Account for situations that may happen and plan what you would like to do accordingly.
      • Example – A family member is prying about your relationship status, you can practice conversations in your head with responses or choose to politely excuse yourself.
    • Have an exit strategy
      • If something goes wrong, how can you leave?
    • Have an ally
      • A loved one who will be there who can support you around this subject in particular
    • Prepare your partner
    • Remain clear headed – limit alcohol, etc.
    • For Allies: Recognize that sexuality doesn’t need to be discussed whether a person is out, bringing a new LGBTQ+ partner, or is closeted with others. Choose to support them in their decision to be out or quiet about relationships. Ask if they need additional back up – what topics are off limits and ensure their comfort when being in your home (as any other guest).
      • Welcome people into your home as they are.
  • Coming Out
    • This is a choice that is completely and entirely up to the LGBTQ+ member – if now is not the time, that’s ok. Do not put pressure on yourself to come out for the holidays, for a partner, or anything. You can come out to who you want, when you want.
    • This doesn’t have to look a certain way, it can be just to some people and not to others, it can be clear, it can be indirect, it can be young or later in life.

Set your boundaries, if you’re prepared to come out, then go ahead. But if you’re not and this is not the time, and this is not the place and it’s not your choice, then just be direct.

  • The Importance of Pronouns
    • While this may take some getting used to – as you may have known someone and used a different pronoun for some time – the effort is truly everything. This is part of a persons’ identity and to try your best at utilizing the correct pronouns is a demonstration of love and respect you have for that person.
    • When someone comes out or brings around a new partner who may have pronouns you don’t understand 1. it really isn’t up to you 2. choose to do what makes this guest comfortable.
    • Slip ups happen! It’s ok, as long as you correct yourself or make the change moving forward.
  • Ways to Cope
    • It’s important you have support, while that may include loved ones who are allies, there are other people you can try to access as well.
      • Support Groups – Club Lillies
      • Therapists
      • Life Coaches
      • Mentors
      • Pride Centers

I mean the takeaway is you’re not alone. There are people who are going through the same thing, have been through the same thing, that you can talk to, who can offer you resources and support.

Where to Find Kathy
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Credits and Thanks