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Episode 5 | May 10, 2022

Dealbreakers in Love

Alex Mellor-Brook discusses boundaries in romantic relationships.


Welcome to “That’s a Hard No” – the podcast about saying no and setting boundaries so you can become the authentic and empowered you that this world needs.

Reminder: While Sarah is a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, this podcast is in no way replacement for one-on-one therapy with a mental health professionalIf you are struggling with mental health issues, we welcome you on this journey, but also invite you to seek out professional help.

Looking for a therapist? Here’s a good place to start:

Key Takeaways
  • Alex discusses valuing a relationship in all of it’s stages. From dealbreakers in finding love to recommitting after decades together – the importance of respect and growing together.
  • Relationship investments – During a long-term relationship there will be ups and downs as well as changes,
  • Knowing who you are – A top priority for being a good partner and having a partner who is the right fit is understand who you are as yourself. Often times with children or in long relationships we forget about our own desires. Paying attention to your own needs adds value to a relationship or potential relationship. You must know yourself.
    • Taking one hour a week to build space for your own hobbies.
    • Happiness should not depend on others.
  • Dating apps – Have a good eye. Know what you want from the experience prior and know that it’s not about the platform but the users. Be particular about who you are speaking to and that your desires align.
    • Zero dating – Facetime, Zoom, Whatsapp, confirm who they are before meeting
    • Bite size – small investments, make decisions early
  • Boundaries in finding love – Don’t create a shopping list, sometimes date one is not true to future dating, give 2-3 chances before writing someone off if you feel unsure -If you feel completely sure you aren’t interested (the person was unkind or disrespectful) then of course trust your gut.
    • Feel good about yourself – keep things low pressure, don’t let the build up be too big. Run an errand first. Keep it simple.
    • Be positive on the first date, this is a first impression. Look forward.
  • Baggage/Dealbreakers – We have experiences we carry with us. We all have plenty to offer -realizing its not a mathematical equation and more like a the right mixture. Some things we can let go of with different offerings a partner could have. Focusing on looking forward rather than in the rearview mirror.
  • Realizing relationships require skill – All of this is communication, understanding, and honesty. Our upbringings or life differences makes how we receive information different. Taking the time to understand how someone communicates whether it’s the beginning of a relationship or many years down the line.
    • A disagreement exercise – Turn towards each other, utilize the ‘I feel’ script while repeating back to them what was heard.
    • Pausing, not guessing an interpretation, asking for an explanation or details.
  • Managing expectations – Try to ground yourself from being a hopeless romantic, fantasizing, and the unattainable goals of social media.
Where to Find Alex
Resources & Recommendations
  • Books
    • “I Feel” Form – This form helps those finding a conversation difficult. It allows them to explain how they are feeling and ensure that it is being understood. (click here to download)
    • Fair Play, by Eve Rodsky – This book provides a unique way to divvy up the responsibilities of life, parenting, and domestic chores. The author interviewed over 500 people to include all the invisible duties of running a household and family. (link to Amazon)
Read Full Transcript Here
Credits and Thanks