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Episode 8 | June 21, 2022

Saying Yes to Joy

Roger Williams talks crossing things off our bucket lists and living with intention.


Welcome to “That’s a Hard No” – the podcast about saying no and setting boundaries so you can become the authentic and empowered you that this world needs.

Reminder: While Sarah is a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, this podcast is in no way replacement for one-on-one therapy with a mental health professionalIf you are struggling with mental health issues, we welcome you on this journey, but also invite you to seek out professional help.

Looking for a therapist? Here’s a good place to start:

Key Takeaways
  • Roger talks prioritizing things that bring you joy. He took an adult gap year to cross things off his bucket list.
  • Risk vs. Reward – Sometimes for your joy, you have to truly take the leap. It’s important to reassess things that may not be supporting you in your happiness and to just leave them behind.

“Sure, it’s scary all the time and I have some anxiety about it every once in a while. But you know…I think in the end, I’m not going to regret anything because I’m only doing things that bring me joy.” 

  • Redefining Success – Success is defined by self. Society and outside factors truly do not scale or decide what is valuable or successful. Realizing we are in charge of our own ‘successes’ and deciding what that may mean.
    • Saying no to things that bring us down!
    • Not letting others dictate where we find our joy – this is extremely important in conjunction with boundary setting.
    • Plane analogy – putting on your mask first in order to help others.
    • Happiness cannot be reliant on someone else.

“My happiness is dictated by me and only me, and so I have to go out and find that joy and be self-aware enough to know what is what brings me joy and what doesn’t.” 

  • Joy can be both/and – Saying no, doesn’t always mean cutting something out entirely. We can choose to be selfish and selfless in the same token. Being willing to coordinate and communicate with partners, family, friends make this possible to accomplish.
  • Giving Space- Allowing others the space to be themselves, find that self-awareness and open and honestly sharing that with others.
    • Balance is key. In all different types of relationships we must find balance between items and experiences that bring each of us and both of us joy.
    • Loving ourselves enough to choose to communicate what we need and not continue to sacrifice for others.
    • Acknowledge any points of tension in relationships, review and try to find potential solutions.
  • Sacrifice Does Not = Love – It’s important to remember that giving pieces of ourselves or choosing others happiness over our own on a consistent basis will not lead to a healthy existence. Our needs are equal to others and deserve to be heard and nurtured.
  • Communication – Remembering that other’s cannot read our minds. Our partners, friends, and family can’t read our minds – the responsibility for setting boundaries is on ourselves.
  • Being Visible – This not about getting our way, it’s about the freedom to express and prioritize our opinions, needs, and desires.

And remembering that we’re on the same team, I think sometimes it can feel like we’re opponents, but really that we want to win. We want the team to win.” 

  • Chaning the Lens – Starting to take the societal view our of our perspective and truly ask ourselves “does this bring me joy?”
  • Bucket Lists – No plan is too big or too small. A bucket list can be anything you want to achieve.
    • Writing it down and making it actionable.

“Brings you joy? Put it on the list.”

Where to Find Roger
Read Full Transcript Here
Credits and Thanks