Courage to Care: Setting Boundaries as a Caregiver

[00:02:44] Setting boundaries for caregivers

“But being a caretaker isn’t just work. It’s hard work.”

• Realizing that your energy, compassion, time, and capacity is finite is a good place to start
• Coming to terms with diagnosis or the extent of limitations is another portion of grief you have to overcome
• Often struggling with guilt and shame, feeling obligation to provide care without considering your own wellbeing

[00:05:44] Mental health crisis intervention

• Supporting those with mental health concerns can be equally or even more difficult than those with physical needs
• Remembering that having professional help is not shameful, and if you’re worried never be afraid to seek medical care

“no one wants to end their life, they want to end the pain.”

[00:12:31] Boundaries and self-care

• The basics:
  • hydration, nutrition, movement, sleep – these are essential as a human being, not the fun version of self care
• Allow yourself the space for self compassion too, where you give more than just the basics
• Know that rest is required

“But it’s that oxygen mask mantra. Yes. You only have 12 seconds of useful consciousness.”

• Mindfulness activities:
  • Walks, yoga, meditation, hobbies like knitting or journaling – slowing down thoughts and reducing overthinking

“Because if we don’t take care of ourselves, we run the risk that you saw with your father-in-law, which was their own mental, physical health declines.”

[00:19:39] Gender roles in caregiving

“We happen to see a handful of men, as well as non-binary folks, in our community of participants. And it’s really beautiful to hear from those men in groups, especially because they can really support each other.”

[00:21:33] Letting go of guilt

“I’m not a caregiver. I am literally just doing what I’m supposed to do.”

“Letting go makes it sound like I can just be like, ah, voila, it’s done. It’s out of my mind, I’ve let that go, it’s over, and no, no, no.”

[00:35:19] Decision fatigue

• Having to constantly make difficult decisions effecting someone else’s life can be exhausting and cause burnout
• Trying to navigate new and complicated information can cause overwhelm
• Do not be afraid to take breaks, write down questions, ask someone you trust to write down their opinions so you can review later

“I think it can lead to that very quickly. It begins with compassion fatigue, which is just essentially caring too much.”

[00:39:36] Rest and self-care boundaries

“rest is not earned, rest is part of being a human being.”

[00:43:19] Motivation versus self-discipline

“Coaching is about moving forward. That’s how I look. It’s about that empowerment piece.”

“You don’t need to be alone. No. You don’t need to take it all on your shoulders. No. We’re here to support you.”