How to Check in with Your Partner

In our last episode, we welcomed Sarah’s husband, Justin Saunders, on the podcast, which was a ton of fun. During our conversation, Sarah and Justin shared how they check in with each other regularly to stay focused on their goals and maintain their relationship. In this minisode, we follow up on that concept, and Sarah tells us how often to check in with our partners and what to discuss.

As always, we believe the adage “one size does not fit all,” so customize your check-in lists for your family, but what follows is a good jumping-off point.

Monthly

1. Look at the calendar for the month – highlight any out of the norm things – birthdays, holidays, doctor appointments, car maintenance, etc.
2. Schedule a date night (be creative) – ideally, weekly, but 1-2 date nights per month is healthy
3. Self-care for each person – What kinds of things do each of you need? (massage, nails, time with a friend, etc.)
4. Money check-in – any big financial expenses coming up?  IMPORTANT! Finances trump all stressors – be proactive and talk about it. We cannot plan for everything, but if you know about an expense ahead of time…talk about it.

Weekly

1. Look at upcoming events for the week (get out the calendar again) – align expectations. What’s changed? No big surprises!
2. What will make things run smoothly this week? Set expectations.
   1. Discuss/plan meals
   2. Childcare
   3. Who sleeps in on what day on the weekend?
3. How did you feel loved or appreciated last week? What went well last week?
   1. “I felt really loved when _____”
   2. “I appreciated when you _____”
4. “Anything you’ve been holding onto that you need to talk about?”
5. “How can I support you in the upcoming week?” (“What would lighten your load?”)

Daily

1. “Any changes in the schedule today?”
2. “How can I support you today?” (Reminder time!)
   1. “Please don’t text or call unless an emergency around _____ (big meeting, event, etc.)”
   2. “I am going to be tired (or on ‘brain pop’) after having an especially busy day. I will need will need _____ (to go to bed extra early, to not talk, etc.)”
3. Tell your partner one thing you love/admire about them.

If you have older/school-aged kids, include them in regular family check-ins. Of course, customize your checklist and discuss what’s age-appropriate. Model and use the language of meeting/planning time to help their brains understand this is important to do.

Family meetings or check-ins allow for individuals doing life together to truly feel a sense of belonging. You are developing collaborative and proactive problem-solving skills and exercising executive functioning skills – organizing, planning, prioritizing, understanding different points of view, and regulating emotions.

Credits and Thanks

• Special thanks to Reanna Karousis of Collective Reach and the Social Distance Happy Hour, who inspired and challenged us to start this podcast and helped us produce our first episode.
• Thanks also to our families and friends for all their encouragement and support, and to you, our listeners, for joining us on this adventure.
• That’s a Hard No is a joint production of Clever Girl Marketing and Purposeful Growth & Wellness.
• Logo design by Angela Giaco of A Pink Sunset. You can find her at apinksunset.com.
• Music: “Whiskey for Lunch” by GG Rigs. (Don’t judge us, you guys. We just like the song.)