Understanding Love Languages

Key Takeaways

Our discussion is based on the work of Dr. Gary Chapman, a well-known marriage counselor, speaker, and author of the popular book: The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts (link to Amazon), which has been on the New York Times bestseller list for over a decade. Love languages are the way we express and receive love on an emotional level – how we fill up our “love tank.” We can each receive love all five ways, but it’s important to know our primary love language and our partner’s (or other loved one’s) primary love language.

These are the love languages that Dr. Chapman has identified (in no particular order):

1. Words of affirmation – Using words to affirm the other person – you can speak the words or write the words –  what’s important is communicating your appreciation for that person.
2. Receiving Gifts – Feeling love through receiving a gift. It’s not about how expensive it is. It’s the thought that counts. Sarah likes to joke with couples “it’s not the thought left in your head that counts, it’s the gift that came out of that thought in your head (haha).” If this is your significant other, start listening and you’ll begin to notice them saying, “I really wish I had one of those,” or “that would be nice to have…” Make a list of those things. And It’s not just about gifting on birthdays and anniversaries. The idea is to continually show your love with gifts throughout your relationship, no matter how small or inexpensive.
3. Quality time – Giving the other person your undivided attention. This is a hot topic right now because of all the devices (and distractions!) in our world today, and it can seem a little confusing. It’s not about sitting and watching a show together, because even though you’re spending time together, the show you’re watching is actually getting the attention. We’re talking about no screens, no devices, and instead, actual eye contact and real conversation – sharing life with one another. Sometimes this looks like taking a walk together or going for a drive. But ask your partner what this looks like for them – don’t assume.
4. Acts of Service – Doing things for the other person that you know would really help them out, like cooking, cleaning, putting gas in the car, giving the kids their baths, getting coffee, changing the baby’s diaper, grocery shopping… something that lightens their load. This is where actions speak louder than words.
5. Physical Touch – We all know the power of physical touch. Consider newborns… babies feel loved when they’re held. And that human need never goes away. So for those of us whose primary love language is touch, physical contact is crucial. Hugs, holding hands in the car, snuggling while watching a show, all of these things communicate love and affection.

Resources & Recommendations

• Book: The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts, by Gary Chapman (link to Amazon)
• Free Quiz: Take the quiz to better understand your primary love language: https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/
• Website: 5lovelanguages.com – provides resources to further strengthen your relationships
• Podcast: Building Relationships with Gary Chapman

Credits and Thanks

• Special thanks to Reanna Karousis of Collective Reach and the Social Distance Happy Hour, who inspired and challenged us to start this podcast and helped us produce our first episode.
• Thanks also to our families and friends for all their encouragement and support, and to you, our listeners, for joining us on this adventure.
• That’s a Hard No is a joint production of Clever Girl Marketing and Purposeful Growth & Wellness.
• Logo design by Angela Giaco of A Pink Sunset. You can find her at apinksunset.com.
• Music: “Whiskey for Lunch” by GG Rigs. (Don’t judge us, you guys. We just like the song.)