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Minisode 07 | November 17, 2020

Understanding Love Languages

In this minisode, we discuss the importance of understanding love languages and how to identify your own love language.


Welcome to “That’s a Hard No” – the podcast about saying no (in all its forms) so you can become the authentic and empowered person that this world needs.

Quick disclosure: While Sarah is a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, this podcast is in no way replacement for one-on-one therapy with a mental health professionalIf you are struggling with mental health issues, we welcome you on this journey, but also invite you to seek out professional help.

Looking for a therapist? Here’s a good place to start:

love languages | hard no podcast
Key Takeaways

Our discussion is based on the work of Dr. Gary Chapman, a well-known marriage counselor, speaker, and author of the popular book: The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts (link to Amazon), which has been on the New York Times bestseller list for over a decade. Love languages are the way we express and receive love on an emotional level – how we fill up our “love tank.” We can each receive love all five ways, but it’s important to know our primary love language and our partner’s (or other loved one’s) primary love language.

These are the love languages that Dr. Chapman has identified (in no particular order):

  1. Words of affirmation – Using words to affirm the other person – you can speak the words or write the words –  what’s important is communicating your appreciation for that person.
  2. Receiving Gifts – Feeling love through receiving a gift. It’s not about how expensive it is. It’s the thought that counts. Sarah likes to joke with couples “it’s not the thought left in your head that counts, it’s the gift that came out of that thought in your head (haha).” If this is your significant other, start listening and you’ll begin to notice them saying, “I really wish I had one of those,” or “that would be nice to have…” Make a list of those things. And It’s not just about gifting on birthdays and anniversaries. The idea is to continually show your love with gifts throughout your relationship, no matter how small or inexpensive.
  3. Quality time – Giving the other person your undivided attention. This is a hot topic right now because of all the devices (and distractions!) in our world today, and it can seem a little confusing. It’s not about sitting and watching a show together, because even though you’re spending time together, the show you’re watching is actually getting the attention. We’re talking about no screens, no devices, and instead, actual eye contact and real conversation – sharing life with one another. Sometimes this looks like taking a walk together or going for a drive. But ask your partner what this looks like for them – don’t assume.
  4. Acts of Service – Doing things for the other person that you know would really help them out, like cooking, cleaning, putting gas in the car, giving the kids their baths, getting coffee, changing the baby’s diaper, grocery shopping… something that lightens their load. This is where actions speak louder than words.
  5. Physical Touch – We all know the power of physical touch. Consider newborns… babies feel loved when they’re held. And that human need never goes away. So for those of us whose primary love language is touch, physical contact is crucial. Hugs, holding hands in the car, snuggling while watching a show, all of these things communicate love and affection.
Resources & Recommendations
Credits and Thanks